Nothing comes from nothing
by Shahrazad63
Summary: Events after Maria s return from the Abbey. Slightly AU - I added an extra day before the gazebo scene. Please R&R!
1. Chapter 1

Nothing comes from nothing

_A/N:_

_Another story that has been "gathering dust" in my hard drive. Slightly AU. __What if the Captain, after breaking up with Elsa, waited another day or two to talk to Maria in the gazebo? When the scene starts the children are already in bed, in the same day Maria returns from the Abbey. This chapter was inspired by a scene from Jane Eyre._

_Disclaimer: I __don't own "The Sound of Music". You know the rest…_

"_**Nothing happens in vain, but everything for a reason and under necessitation." Leuccipus.**_

Maria was descending the stairs, barefoot, carrying her shoes in her hand, because the last thing she wanted was to be seen or heard. She needed peace, she needed _air._ She needed to breathe, and God knows that tonight, more than ever, she would not be able to that near _him_. She felt like all doors and windows had been closed to her, and with that, one of her basic beliefs had been shattered. There had to be a way out, and if there was, she would have found it.

"Well, well! I do hope you are not planning to run back to Nonnberg barefoot at this ungodly hour!" said the Captain, startling Maria. She held on to the banister for support. "Are the children in bed?" he asked, as she hastily dropped her shoes to the floor and proceeded to put them on.

"Yes, Captain. Except for Liesl, of course."

"Of course," he echoed. He had given the sixteen year old permission to stay a little longer with the adults that evening. What Maria did not know was the he had done that because one of her simple, and yet effective, arguments, had convince him.

"_Captain, their ages range from five to sixteen. You __can't treat Liesl as if she were Gretl, and vice versa."_

Maria broke the silence this time. "I - I was just going for a little walk…" Her voice was low, and she refused to meet his eyes, pretending to be busy with an imaginary crease in her skirt.

"How are you?" he asked gravely. The question took her completely by surprise, and she straightened herself. Had he just inquired about her well being? He had never done that before. Why should he care, especially now?

"Ahem… I am very well, Sir. Thank you."

"Then why did you not come and speak to me… to the children, after dinner? You didn't have to scurry back to your room like that. You just… _vanished_."

For a moment, Maria almost returned to her old, forthrightness. She did not _scurry,_ did she? However, she was far from feeling confident enough to take that kind of liberty. After hearing the news of his engagement, her emotional balance was still too shaky, and she found herself going from denial to anger, sadness, despair, acceptance, and back to denial every five minutes.

"Well…"

"Well?" he inquired, raising his eyebrows.

"I did not wish to disturb you, as you seemed engaged with the children and the Baroness. Isn't it important that they get better acquainted with her considering you are soon to be married?"

It was a habit of hers, to answer his questions with another one, whenever she felt cornered. Georg completely ignored the question, and started pacing around her, just like he did the first day they had met. She found it was intimidating now as it had been then.

"Tell me, what have you been doing with yourself at the Abbey all this time? The children told me you were in _seclusion_. I think I know what it means, but how on earth does did that apply to you, exactly?"

"It is nothing out of the ordinary in a convent, Captain. Sometimes we do need some time on our own, to… to meditate."

"Meditate about what?"

Maria thought for a moment. "Oh, the usual. Life, faith."_ Love,_ she thought.

"Holy virtues and deadly sins?" he teased, remembering their conversation a few weeks before.

"That too."

"But _you.._. Did you get yourself into any trouble again and was that punishment for it?" He stopped and stared at her intently. "Were they too severe with you because you left us before the right time? Were you disciplined in any way?"

"No, of course not. Seclusion is never used as a punishment. Never at Nonnberg."

"I see." But he wasn't ready to give up yet. "Were you ill?"

"No, not at all."

"I don't know if I believe that. Right now, you are not exactly a picture of good health," he observed. "You hardly touched your dinner. The children are worried, and quite frankly, so am I. _What_ is the matter?"

"Nothing!" she said, with a dismissive gesture that was so typically hers, and attempting a smile.

She failed to convince him.

"Did you catch a cold from staying most of the time outside the night of the ball? It was rather chilly out."

"Not in the least," she answered, blushing vividly and praying that he would not notice it. Why did he have to bring _that night_ up? She chastised herself for having chosen the same dress she had worn that evening tonight. But the other alternative was unthinkable – the blue dress. Wearing it would be even more disturbing tonight, since it was associated with equally nerve wracking memories.

Why was he questioning her like that? Why was he so interested in her thoughts and feelings, especially now that she new that his bride to be was in the next room, sipping champagne, waiting for him to return to her, to call her _darling_ and to flirt shamelessly?

Maria had dealt with him in such a mood before – that night, weeks ago, when she woke up to music in the middle of the night, and walked up to the attic, to find him playing the grand piano. A night that she avoided thinking about, especially lately, when her world began turning upside down. Oh, there were other nights when she would wake up to the sound of his haunting music. How tempted she had been, to follow that the sound, if for no other reason, only to see him as she had seen him that night.

But he did not look wild, as he did then. He looked impeccable as usual. Only his eyes and his voice linked him to that man she had known once.

"Please," he said, nodding towards the door. "You are deserting us too early. Liesl was just about to convince me to play the piano, and Max was just about to convince me to…" He stopped when he saw the look in her face. If he wasn't mistaken, she was about to burst into tears.

"I am sorry, Captain but I _am_ rather tired. It's been quite an exhausting day."

"But you were just going for a little walk, weren't you?" He winked. "Even as tired as you are?"

Caught in her little lie, Maria lowered her head, and finished descending the stairs moving past him.

"Say what you will, but you _are_ a little downcast," he added. She stopped cold, her back as stiff as a rod. "More than a little, in fact. Very out of character for you, which is the reason one can't help but notice. Why so unhappy? You are back to us! What is it?"

_You are,_ her mind screamed. "I am not depressed. I am _never_ depressed."

"You are. So unhappy and so miserable that an only a few more words from me would make those tears in your eyes fall."

"Captain, please don't…," she began pleading, but he did not allow her to continue.

"No, say no more. Please, forgive me. The last thing I want now is to make you cry, that I can assure you." His eyes burned into hers, and she could not bring herself to look away.

"I…" she tried to speak, but her throat felt tight.

"Don't!" he silenced. "Let us stop this right now. I cannot do this to _you_, not anymore." His tone was strangled, and there was passion, as well as angst in his words. It was just too much for Maria.

"Father where…" It was Liesl, who burst into the room. She blushed, when she realized she had obviously interrupted something. Maria turned her back to her and the Captain, drying the corner of her eyes with the back of her hand. Georg followed the motion with his eyes, and then turned to his daughter.

"What is it, Liesl?"

"I cannot find the music – Liszt's _Liebestraum_. It is not where you said it was, under the piano bench."

"It's all right; I don't think I'll need it."

"Fraülein, are you staying?" Liesl asked, hopefully. "We could try some of Schubert's _Lieder_. I went downtown last week and bought the music sheets. Father can play the piano, and you could sing. Wouldn't that be perfect?!"

_Just perfect,_ Maria thought. To sing love songs while _he _played the piano, and while both of them were watched by his fiancée, Baroness Schrader. She turned around to voice the first excuse that would come to mind, but the Captain spoke for her.

"I think she is rather tired tonight, Liesl. This had been quite a day for her… for all of us."

Liesl´s questioning glance turned to Maria. "Your father is right, Liesl. I was just about to retire. We can… we can leave Schubert for some other rime."

"Oh," the girl moaned, obviously disappointed. "Maybe tomorrow then."

"Tomorrow. It's a promise." Maria tried to smile.

"Good night Liesl. _Captain_."

"Good night," they answered in unison.

It wasn't until later that she realized that not once he had called her "Fraülein".


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N:_

_What if the Captain, after breaking up with Elsa, waited another day or two to talk to Maria in the gazebo? _

_I read in a book about the real von Trapp family that the children used to call their maternal grandmother "Gromi". I took the liberty of using that here._

_Disclaimer: The usual._

"_**Everything, then, which is such that its act of existing is other than its nature must needs have its act of existing from something else." St Thomas Aquinas.**_

"Hallo children, Baroness, Herr Detweiler, _Captain…_"

"Good morning, Fraülein Maria," the children answered in unison, as they used to, joined by Uncle Max.

"Good morning," answered the Captain, almost curtly.

"Good morning," echoed the Baroness, looking at him, a little amused, and winking.

_Don't_, he warned her glaring ominously. Regally, the Baroness continued to enjoy her breakfast, acting like it was just another ordinary day at the von Trapp household, and she was not about to go back to Vienna carrying her _little bags_.

Except that it wasn't an ordinary day.

Georg was not mad at Maria for being slightly late again – he was mad at himself, at the circumstances surrounding him, of his complete inability to deal with the situation. He was, after all, an experienced man. However, his clumsy attempts to talk to her the previous night had ended in near disaster. His heart ached when he remembered her shattering into pieces right in front of his eyes. If it had not been for Liesl´s interruption, he would completely loose control of the situation.

It had been so easy with Agathe, almost like if he had made up his mind to love her before he actually loved her. _Vini, vidi, vinci – I came, I saw and I conquered,_ he thought in retrospectThere had not been a shred of angst surrounding their courtship and their marriage. Everything went just as planned, slow and gentle just as it was supposed to be. It wasn't only the fact that their backgrounds were similar, that their families knew one another. Maybe for that reason, he always took their love for granted, and, as a result, suffered horribly when he had lost her. When he first confronted Agathe with his feelings, he already was certain that she loved him, and that she would want to spend the rest of her life with him. And everybody else – friends and family – would be extremely happy about it. No trauma, no stress – just the beginning of ten of the happiest years of his life so far.

With Maria, on the other hand, although he was tempted to admit it had been love at first sight, the knowledge that he actually loved her came to him suddenly, making him feel like he had been hit by a torpedo in the middle of the storm of the century. He may have fallen in love the moment she sat on the pine cone, but the realization of came as an utter and complete shock. That he loved her, yes, he knew. But what about Maria? Was her agony caused by the fact that she was simply scared of him? Because leaving the safety of Nonnberg terrified her?

He would have to find out, at all costs. One step at a time.

Of course he had been unable to sleep during the night. At some point he found himself just outside the door to her bedroom, just to make sure his behavior earlier in the evening had not sent her straight back to the Abbey. He could swear he had heard crying coming from inside, and he did not know if he was relieved because she was there, or sad because there was nothing he could do.

Nothing?

No, he could do _everything_. Maybe only he had the power to end her heartache. The temptation to knock was almost too hard to resist, but he fought bravely. Whatever he said tonight, it would only make her worse. She was just too distressed, too confused to think rationally. Maria had built a brick wall around her, and he had no idea how to breach it. There was no middle ground; she either reacted with anger or extreme shyness to everything he said to her. He needed time, time alone with her. And in a house with seven children, Max Detweiler, his now former fiancé and half a dozen servants, not to mention his butler listening behind doors, it was not such an easy task.

When she arrived just now, she almost did not sound like Maria at all – her voice was cheerful, as usual, but it was not natural. It scared him like hell. She did not arrive running noisily, skipping or running in that way that was so typically hers, her restlessness causing her to move like if her upper body was faster than her legs. She had merely _walked_ into the room. Maria never merely _walked –_ she skipped, tripped, stumbled, ran, but never just walked. It was almost as if she had to force herself… _to be herself_! He wondered if the children would not notice, but he could tell only by looking at them that they had. At least Liesl, Louisa and Brigitta did, judging by the worried glances they exchanged the moment they heard her voice.

When she said _Captain,_ not her voice dropped an octave. He had noticed that before, ever since the night she insisted that he sung for the children. He used to think she was intimidated by him, no matter what indication she gave she was not. But this morning, besides being an octave lower, it seemed like she struggled to say the word, and when she did, it was merely above a whisper.

_Captain._

Never before she had trouble addressing him like that – on the contrary, she seemed to enjoy it, adding the word to every other sentence she spoke to him, almost like a veiled challenge, especially when she said something blunt or outrageous. _Captain, Sir,_ and even the occasional _Reverend Captain… _He smiled at the memory.

He hated doing this to her, to put her through this hell. The trouble was that he didn't know how she would react when she learned about his plans for her, that hiring another governess was absolutely out of the question. Right now, she had no clue, and she looked like she was in the brink of a panic attack.

But that was only one reason why he kept himself from going to her the previous night. The other reason was more practical - Elsa. He certainly did not want her around when he spoke to Maria, not after his former fiancée told him about the conversation they had the night of the ball.

But that was not all. When Elsa said she would _pack her little bags and go,_ he had forgotten about what the concept of traveling light was to a woman like Elsa von Schraeder. Certainly not a carpet bag and a guitar case. Not to mention that she refused to go one day without her beauty sleep.

Maria was now about to sit down now, mumbling an excuse for being late that was barely audible. He watched with interest what was about to happen next.

"Fraülein, don't!" Gretl screamed. He smiled – his little one had always been one of Maria's most faithful champions.

Maria looked at her puzzled. "What is it, Gretl?!"

"Look first," Friedrich said, not without glaring at his little sister.

"I just didn't want her to scream again," Gretl explained.

Maria saw it then – a pine cone, with a card attached to it. Tears welled up in her eyes. It read _Welcome home, Fraülein Maria,_ and it was signed by the seven von Trapp children.

"Oh, children, I don't… this is… this is…" she swallowed, fighting tears. "… really very sweet of you." She sat down then, placing the pine cone next to her plate. "I don't think I would mind even if I had sat on it and made a fool out of myself again."

"It was Louisa's idea!" Kurt informed her.

"But everyone agreed," Brigitta added.

"Actually it was not me, it was fa…" Louisa stopped herself in time, being kicked by Liesl under the table. "Ouch, Liesl!"

"No matter whose idea it was, it was a lovely thought. Thank you all," she said, smiling at each and every one of the children, but avoiding the Captain's eyes.

The Captain noticed, somewhat relieved, that she sounded almost like the old Maria now. Almost. But it was enough to bring a half smile to his lips. The children – they were the key. He would have to trust his sons and daughters to carry her through the day, until he had took care of everything, such as driving Elsa to the train station, and going to a certain jewelry shop to buy Maria an engagement ring.

He was glad that Max was keeping his mouth shut. The previous night, he had threatened him with the worst forms of torture he could think of if he told the children about the broken engagement before he had a chance to do so. The children had been through too many changes in the past few weeks. Elsa would not say a word, he was sure of that. By now, they had their Fraülein back, and that should be enough for a while.

His gaze turned away from Maria, busy helping Martha with her breakfast, and turned to Max and Elsa. His friend looked like he was enjoying the best show on earth as the guest of honor. Georg was not sure he liked the idea of him staying in Salzburg, while Elsa returned to Vienna, but he claimed to be terribly busy with the Festival. Besides, he thought, with Elsa gone, he would still need a chaperone, if Maria agreed to marry him.

It was when Franz interrupted.

"Excuse me, Sir."

"_Who_ is it this time, Franz" he said irritably. He had repeatedly warned his butler about how much he hated being interrupted during a meal. He did not mind before, while he was distant from his children – on the contrary, the interruption was usually welcome. Not anymore.

"Your mother in law, Captain, calling from London."

The children exclaimed in disbelief. Their _Gromi, _as they called their maternal grandmother, never called father, unless it was for a very serious reason.

"What can she possibly want?"

"I have no idea, Louisa." The Captain was just as puzzled.

"Do you think somebody _died_?" Brigitta asked, dramatically. The last few times their grandmother telephoned them, it had been to announce a death in the family.

"Don't you say that, Brigitta," Kurt exclaimed. "It is bad luck."

Excusing himself, the Captain abruptly left the table, leaving behind a very silent Maria, and his children wondering about Gromi´s telephone call.


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N:_

_What if the Captain, after breaking up with Elsa, waited another day or two to talk to Maria in the gazebo? _

_The inspiration for this chapter was __a "behind the scenes" picture of Julie Andrews and Christopher Plummer. And Jane Eyre. Again._

_Disclaimer: Same as usual._

"_**Ex nihilo nihil fit." (Nothing comes from nothing.) Parmenides, Ancient Greek Philosopher, ca. 514 B.C.**_

_Work is a balm,_ Maria had heard said more than once. And it was. After breakfast, she found herself being dragged by the children to a whirlwind of activities. It seemed they wanted to make up for their lost week together, doing everything they would have done together in seven days in just a few hours. And she let them, gladly. It kept her attention on the children, and not _him_ and the Baroness. She only noticed them driving away sometime before lunch, but never saw them return. The Captain was certainly taking her out to lunch in some sophisticated little restaurant in town.

She headed towards the nursery after breakfast. Listening behind doors had never been a habit of hers. But she could not help it, when she realized that they were talking about their grandmother's mysterious phone call.

"… so I don't know what it was about," said Liesl. "I don't know what she said to him, but he was boiling mad. I could only hear a "_this is none of your concern._ I have a feeling that grandmother is coming to see us very soon."

The children began talking all at once, and Maria was about to make her presence known, but the sound of her name, spoken by Friedrich, made her stop on her tracks.

"Never mind Gromi, it is Fraülein Maria we should worry about. She is the same, and she is not at the same time," the boy remarked. "She looks…"

"Dreadful!" Maria recognized Brigitta´s voice, and had to smile. The girl never made any secret of what she thought about her convent clothes.

"It is not that, Brigitta. No one looks good in those kinds of clothes," said Louisa. "That is not the point, and you know it."

"The new dress is not as bad as that first one…" a small voice said.

"Martha is right," Liesl said. "It is not the dress, it is _her. _Even her _voice_ changed. She sounds so serious now,"

"That is right, it is at least an octave lower than it used to be," Brigitta observed.

"I am happy. But I am _not_ happy," Gretl said forlornly.

"I don't understand. How can that be? I never thought I could be so happy and so sad at the same time," Brigitta spoke again.

Unable to hear anymore, Maria burst into the room. "Happy and sad girls? Why is that?" Maria asked, trying to sound like her cheerful old self.

"She means we are happy you are back, Fraülein. But father marrying that… _evil Baroness…_" Louisa shuddered.

Maria sighed. Then she tried to control the timbre of her voice. "She is not evil, Louisa. A bit snobbish, maybe, but it is just… the way she was brought up to be. You can't blame her for that, as much as you can't blame me for being the way I am."

There – at least she was honest. She firmly believed what she had told the children. Maybe she should hate the Baroness, but she did not. In a way, the woman was trapped in her own world, just as Maria was.

"I still can't picture her as our mother," Liesl said forlornly. "I see her and father together, and it doesn't look like… like father and mother. Something is missing."

"You mean it is not like it was with your mother?" Maria dared to ask. Seven children nodded. "But it will never be, Liesl. No one will ever take your mother's place, either in your hearts, and, most of all, in your father's heart," she felt her chest tightening after she said that. "However, wherever your mother is, I don't think she would want to see her family unhappy, especially you children. You must at least try."

"But we will never be happy with _her,_" Kurt said.

"Oh, you can't know that, can you, Kurt? Do you know what I think?"

"What, Fraülein?"

"I think you should give the Baroness a chance. Just like you have given me after I sat on that pine cone."

"But you were _not_ going to marry our father; you were just going to be our governess. She is marrying father and she will become our mother!" Martha spoke up.

Brigitta´s eyes widened. "Don't you see it? Maybe _that _is the problem. Maybe…"

Maria interrupted, knowing, and yet not wishing to know what was in the girl's mind. "The Baroness needs time. She is not used to children, least of all children as spirited as you are. It is quite a change for her."

"But you were not used to children when you first came," Brigitta observed. "You knew nothing of being a governess, you said so yourself. And you had us all in the palm of your day in less than a day."

"Oh did I? What about the frog, the pinecone, the blue water, the spiders… and my wimple in the flagpole. Do I have it all in the right order? It took some time for the pranks to stop, for all of you to accept me."

"But you had never even been a governess before," Gretl repeated.

"Just promise me you will all try. For me."

"All right."

"I guess so."

"Yes."

They did not sound convincing, but that would have to do for the moment, Maria thought. It was the one mission left for her to accomplish in that house. To make sure the children would be all right, no matter what happened. With that thought, once more she felt more stable again.

At least for a while.

Lunch was served at the usual time, and Max was there. But, as usual, he'd rather tease the children than chat with their governess – which suited Maria perfectly, since she was still not exactly in a chatty mood, even after being cheered up by the children.

Just being with them had done wonders to her spirits. She felt lighter, and only from time to time, when she had a moment to breathe, the dark thoughts would return to _him_ again, and she remembered...

Maria tried banish the unwelcome thoughts and tried to concentrate again on the book she picked up form the library. She had grabbed the first book from a pile Liesl had left there, only to notice, with a grimace, it was Jane Eyre.

How ironic, she sneered. Then she opened it randomly.

_"You never felt jealousy, did you, Miss Eyre? Of course not: I need not ask you; because you never felt love. You have both sentiments yet to experience: your soul sleeps; the shock is yet to be given which shall waken it. You think all existence lapses in as quiet a flow as that in which your youth has hitherto slid away. Floating on with closed eyes and muffled ears, you neither see the rocks bristling not far off in the bed of the flood, nor hear the breakers boil at their base. But I tell you -- and you may mark my words -- you will come some day to a craggy pass in the channel, where the whole of life's stream will be broken up into whirl and tumult, foam and noise: either you will be dashed to atoms on crag points, or lifted up and borne on by some master-wave into a calmer current -- as I am now. "_

She closed the book instantly, but Rochester's passionate words lingered in her mind. She did hear the Captain speak like that once. It was the night he had spoken to her about his wife. The night he had practically accused Maria of never actually having lived before.

Useless.

It all had been useless. She had poured her heart out to the Reverend Mother, revealed feelings that she swore she would never ever reveal to anyone, renounced her former life, and it all had been for nothing. She felt… cheated, humiliated. Ashamed. After all, what had she been thinking? Had it all happened just in her head? Had she imagined everything, in spite of what the Baroness said? Was the Captain only being kind and attentive to her, because the children loved her so? Had she been reading too many of Liesl´s discarded romantic novels so that she had began to have unrealistic expectations, based on how fictional characters behaved? Was she suffering only from a silly crush on the first handsome man who had ever smiled to her?

Maria opened the book again and this time, she looked for a specific passage.

_"__"YOU," I said, "a favorite with Mr. Rochester? YOU gifted with the power of pleasing him? YOU of importance to him in any way? Go! your folly sickens me. And you have derived pleasure from occasional tokens of preference -- equivocal tokens shown by a gentleman of family and a man of the world to a dependent and a novice. How dared you? Poor stupid dupe! -- Could not even self-interest make you wiser? You repeated to yourself this morning the brief scene of last night? -- Cover your face and be ashamed! He said something in praise of your eyes, did he? Blind puppy! Open their bleared lids and look on your own accursed senselessness! It does good to no woman to be flattered by her superior, who cannot possibly intend to marry her; and it is madness in all women to let a secret love kindle within them, which, if unreturned and unknown, must devour the life that feeds it; and, if discovered and responded to, must lead, ignis-fatus-like, into miry wilds whence there is no extrication." _

Jane's anguish, which before had only the power to annoy her, and think that she was weak and whinny, now mirrored her own. Never before had those words touched her until now, and she kept on reading for a while.

"_No sooner did I see that his attention was riveted on them, and that I might gaze without being observed, than my eyes were drawn involuntarily to his face; I could not keep their lids under control: they would rise, and the irids would fix on him. I looked, and had an acute pleasure in looking, -- a precious yet poignant pleasure; pure gold, with a steely point of agony: a pleasure like what the thirst-perishing man might feel who knows the well to which he has crept is poisoned, yet stoops and drinks divine draughts nevertheless. _

_(…) I had not intended to love him; the reader knows I had wrought hard to extirpate from my soul the germs of love there detected; and now, at the first renewed view of him, they spontaneously arrived, green and strong! He made me love him without looking at me."_

Tears welled up in her eyes again, and Maria impulsively threw the book away. It landed on top of a shrub, and she hoped she had the energy to retrieve it later.

The best thing to do was to consider the facts only, and as objectively as she could. And the fact was, as she was reminded by her brilliant and wiser fictional counterpart, that she was merely a governess, a commoner, with not a drop of blue blood in her ancestry. She had no breeding, no education – unlike Agathe, unlike Elsa von Schraeder. And _him_… People like him just did not marry people like _her_; they did not fall in love people like her.

No, she should not think about _him_. Ever again, if she could help it.

The trouble was that it had been so easy to love him… How on earth was she supposed to _unlove _him? Before, she naïvely used to think that everything and anything that could be done could also be undone in some way or another. Close a door, open a window – you will still have a way out.

But now she had lost that certainty that had carried her through life. Some things just could not be fixed. The window had indeed been opened, but it was high, and she had fallen from it.

She remembered the words of her new found mentor, Miss Eyre, on the subject:

"_I have told you, reader, that I had learnt to love Mr. Rochester: I could not unlove him now, merely because I found that he had ceased to notice me -- because I might pass hours in his presence, and he would never once turn his eyes in my direction -- because I saw all his attentions appropriated by a great lady, who scorned to touch me with the hem of her robes as she passed; who, if ever her dark and imperious eye fell on me by chance, would withdraw it instantly as from an object too mean to merit observation. I could not unlove him, because I felt sure he would soon marry this very lady -- because I read daily in her a proud security in his intentions respecting her -- because I witnessed hourly in him a style of courtship which, if careless and choosing rather to be sought than to seek, was yet, in its very carelessness, captivating, and in its very pride, irresistible.__" _

There was nothing to cool or banish love in these circumstances, though much to create despair."

Maria watched the children play, wistfully. Her thoughts turned to the future.

_What am I going to do now? I __can't go back to the Abbey, I can't be a nun, and I can't stay here, in this house. No, I can't stay in his town, in this country. The Reverend Mother must help me, at least to find a place for me, a job. As far away as possible, somewhere where they never heard of Captain von Trapp, never heard of Salzburg… America, maybe, Africa. China. Anywhere in Europe would be too close. Are there only Buddhist monasteries or are there convents in Tibet, I wonder? Could I become a Buddhist Monk? Is there a need for European governesses in Siberia? Are there mountains in Siberia? I refuse to go anywhere without mountains._

These thoughts encouraged her. Maybe she would look for other doors and windows after all. A tiny smile came to her lips, as Liesl, Louisa and Brigitta approached her. They sat around her, in a protective circle.

"Fraülein Maria, what is wrong?"

"Hummm?"

"You were smiling right now, but it was such a _sad_ smile," Brigitta observed.

"There is nothing wrong, girls, all is going to be just fine."

"Yes, now that you are back. But we've never seen you look so… _gloomy_."

"You nearly cried at breakfast," Brigitta remarked. "We all saw. Even father."

"He did?" she asked, not quite realizing she had said the words aloud. "I was… I was touched by the gift you left me. The note with the pine cone."

"Don't even get us started on father, he's been acting funny too."

"Do you miss the Abbey _again_ already?" Louisa asked.

"No, I…" she could not tell them, not now, that she was not going to stay for good, on the contrary. She decided to stay as close to the truth as possible, without revealing too much. "I don't miss the convent anymore. I was thinking about something the Reverend Mother used to say to me."

"What?"

"When God closes a door, somewhere he opens a window," she quoted.

"That is beautiful, Fraülein. But then what do you look like you don't believe it anymore?" Liesl insisted.

_Because I __don't,_ she wanted to answer truthfully. Instead, she said, trying to stay closer to the truth as possible. "Because she forgot to tell me that sometimes someone comes and closes that window just a second before you reach it."

"Is it closed now?" Brigitta asked, not quite grasping the fact that they were speaking through metaphors.

"Practically!"

"Well, open it!" suggests Louisa vehemently.

"I can't, it is too… too high."

"Jump." Brigitta suggests. "Kick it open. Break it."

"I'm not strong enough."

"We'll help."

"I wish you children could help, but…" The others approached them and asked what that was all about.

"Fraülein Maria has to open a window that is locked and does not know how to," Brigitta says, puzzled, and still trying to make sense of the words, wondering what it all meant. "In any case, we must help her."

The little one begin offering their suggestions and asking questions, all at the same time.

"I know, I know!"

"How is this window?"

"Is it a big lock?"

"Where is it?"

"Father could open it for you. He is very strong."

"Or Uncle Max!"

"Uncle Max can't even open his own wine, you silly!"

The Captain chose that moment to arrive.

_A/N: All quotations in this chapter, unless otherwise noted, are from Charlotte __Bronte's Jane Eyre._


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N:_

_What if the Captain, after breaking up with Elsa, waited another day or two to talk to Maria in the gazebo? _

_Disclaimer: I still do not own anything._

_**"Nothing can be made out of nothing." Shakespeare, King Lear, Act 1.4.**_

The Captain had been watching her for a while. He had seen her throwing the book away, had seen it landing among the branches of a tree. It had been an angry gesture. Then he saw the children circling her, he saw how she visibly relaxed as they began talking to her. He was almost sorry to disturb that rare moment of peace.

"What is all that noise?" he asked, a few steps behind them.

Maria startled a little, but she remained seated, and did not turn around to face him. His chest tightened when she saw her stiffen again, as soon as she heard his voice. Whatever the children had said or done to calm her, he ruined it with just a few words.

_Enough is enough,_ he thought. _I must stop this._

Maria had not known he was back already. And after a whole morning being reasonably successful in keeping her thoughts away from his particular person, the unknown, frightening feelings rushed back again with full force. Her throat felt tight, she could not breathe.

"Fraülein Maria needs to open a window, and we were trying to help her," Kurt informed his father.

"She says she is not strong enough, but I was saying that you could do it for her," Martha added.

Georg raised his eyebrows and smiled. "What is it that are you up to now, Fraülein?"

"Oh, nothing, Captain," she replied with a shrug.

"Nothing? My son just said you are planning to break through a window. None of mine, I hope."

"Metaphorically, Sir," she replied, still not looking at him directly. "Only metaphorically."

"Hummmm…"

"Look over there," Friedrich yelled.

"Forget it, Friedrich, that one is _mine,_" Louisa warned.

"Only if you beat me to it!"

"_I _invented this game. I have rights."

"It may be your game, but the rules are mine."

Before Maria knew what it was they were talking about, they all left, running.

"Children wait," she called after them, but it was useless. He was left alone with her nemesis. _Oh God, please don't leave me alone with him – not now!_

The Captain sat next to her on the steps of the terrace, much too close for Maria's comfort.

"What on earth was that? I haven't seen them so secretive since… since yesterday afternoon, as a matter of fact," he added with a smile. "They tried to see you, did you know that?"

"Sister Margaretta told me. Had I known about it I would talk to them, but when I found out, they had already left."

"Is it a game they are playing now?"

Maria, with a slightly shaky voice, explained the complicated game Friedrich had invented. Her hands were fidgeting nervously.

"You have some color back in your face today. That is good. You had us all worried last night," he said lightly.

"As I said then, I was just tired."

"Yes, but you still look a bit down. Why are you not with them?"

"I am. They will come to me and ask me very odd questions from time to time. It's all part of the game. Besides…" she took a deep breath, "they must get used to play without me, if I am going to leave soon, mustn't they?"

"I see." She wasted no opportunity to remind him that she would leave. "At least now I know one of the reasons that have you constantly fighting the urge to cry since the moment you arrived. Have you told them that you'll leave again?"

"No, I didn't have the heart to," she whispered. "It's too…" she swallowed, "… difficult".

"I see. When is it going to happen? When are you taking your final vows?" he asked.

"I… I do not know yet," she answered weakly.

"I thought you said in the end of September."

"I did?"

"That is only two weeks away. What are you going to do?"

"I don't know," Maria whispered.

"Yes. Neither do I," was the enigmatic answer.

_No, not yet,_ Georg thought._ Talk to her now and she will shatter in a million pieces._ She just was not ready.

Narrowing his eyes, he asked her. "Is that a book on that shrub over there?"

"Yes, it is."

"What is it doing there? Who…"

"I did, Captain," she confessed, before he blamed the children.

"Why?"

"It needed throwing and I just… threw it."

The Captain stood up, and walked towards the shrub. Standing on his toes, he retrieved the book. He grimaced when he read the title, then he handled it to Maria, sitting next to her again. "There."

"Thank you," Maria said, taking the volume as if it burned her.

"Why was did poor Miss Charlotte Bronte wrote that made you so angry?"

But Maria was in no mood to start a literary debate with him.

"I – I can't see them anymore from here," she said, instead. "I should go to them before they get into trouble. They are playing near the lake …" She tried to get up, but realized that the Captain was sitting on her skirt.

"Oh, forgive me," he says, but made no motion to get up and free her.

"Captain," her tone was almost pleading. "The children…"

"The children will be fine. Liesl will look after then as she always does. You and I… we need to talk," he said gravely.

"We do?!"

_About the new governess, certainly. How much more of this__ torture does he think I can stand?,_ she thought.

"I… the truth is that let you get away last night, but today you will listen, not even if I have to tie you down. There is something I know, and I think you know it too. At the same time, there is something that _you_ don't know. Yet, but you will. Very, very soon… In fact no one knows, except…" Maria frowned – she had never heard him struggling with words before. And although he could be enigmatic, he was usually very clear when he talked to her. He almost sounded like herself when the Reverend Mother forced her to talk about him.

"Captain, you are not making any sense," she blurted out.

"Am I not? What about your absurd metaphor about… what was it? Aah, opening windows? I am not talking in riddles, I think you and I should…"

Franz's voice coming from somewhere behind them interrupted him.

"Herr Dr. Thürmann, Sir, calling from Vienna."

"Tell him I will call him back in five minutes," he barked, sounding just like the old captain again. The contrast seemed startling to Maria.

"But Sir…"

"Five minutes, Franz!"

"Very well, Sir."

"Captain, I really really must…"

"Don't!"

He silenced her, by placing hands over her fidgeting ones. She felt his light touch on her whole body. His hands.

_Oh __God, what is happening?!_, she thought in despair.

"Will you look at me, please?" he asked. "Just for one moment, it won't hurt you, will it. I will not hurt you."

_Oh yes, it will__. You will,_ she thought.

Maria could only stare at his hands, noticing, in the corner of her mind, that he still wearing Agathe's ring, in spite of his engagement to the Baroness.

_The Baron_ess, she thought. _He is engaged, he can't wear his wife's ring anymore_.

She could not bring herself to look at him, and thankfully he did not insist. Interrupting her thoughts, he leaned closer to her, so close that she felt his warm breath in her ear, and, almost in a whisper, he said.

"It will all be all right. Trust me. Just give me… no, give yourself another couple of hours. We'll talk after dinner. Just please, do not run from me ever again, I beg of you."

_What would be all right? Stop worrying about what? Trust him with what?_ _Talk about what? Run away from him? How on earth did he known she had run away from him?_

Before she could ask him any of these questions, he gave her hands a reassuring squeeze, which was enough to send another jolt of electricity through her body and reawaken the butterflies in her stomach. Then he left.

Her hands burned where he had touched them.


	5. Chapter 5

_A/N:_

_What if the Captain, after breaking up with Elsa, waited another day or two to talk to Maria in the gazebo? A little bickering in this chapter, as Maria decides to speak up._

_As for your reviews, what can I say: Thank you, thank you, thank you! _

_Disclaimer: I don't own The Sound of Music, etc._

"**_The cause is hidden, but the result is known." _****_[Lat., Causa latet: vis est notissima. _****_Ovid, Metamorphoses (IV, 287)._**

Maria had no choice but to wear the infamous blue dress once more that evening.

After the night of the ball, she swore she would never _ever_ put it on again, but she hardly had a choice. Dinner the previous night had been particularly formal, because of the Captain's recent engagement. But tonight she was planning to wear her other good dress, the one she had worn the night of the party, but she discovered a tear just under the right arm. She could sew it, but that would make her late to dinner, and she did not want to be late. Not when his eyes would follow her every move.

In fact, she thought that she would not be able to bear dinner that night. Her mind firmly made up, she went to look for Captain von Trapp, finding him in his study.

"Captain, could I have a word with you, please?"

He raised his eyes form the letter he was reading, and gave her his full attention. "Yes?"

She bit her lips, loosing her nerve for a brief second. Whatever he had been reading in that letter, he had not liked it at all. "May I…"

"No, you may not."

"But…"

"No, Fraülein!" So he was back to the old _Fraülein_ treatment again. Maria found it oddly comforting.

"That is not fair; you didn't even know what I was going to ask!"

"Yes, I did. You will attend dinner tonight, no excuses."

"How could you possibly…" The Captain nodded towards Franz, who was pretending to be busy rearranging a crooked painting on the wall. Only then she realized that they were not alone.

"Oh," Maria moaned, meaningfully, understanding his silent message. It seems that the butler's nasty habit of gossping was common knowledge.

"Franz would you excuse us, please?" The butler nodded and left silently. The Captain turned his attention to Maria again. "I knew what you were going to ask because I know you better than you think, especially considering your unscheduled flight to the Abbey."

She shrugged, "Oh, well, that is good, at least."

"Now, why is that good?" It was strange, he thought. Wasn't she going to fight, tooth and nail, to change his mind, as she usually did?

"For a moment I thought you saying _no_ just out of habit!"

There it was, he thought, with a half smile. He knew she would not give up so easily.

"I beg your pardon!"

"No begging necessary. But I might as well ask. Are you saying no only because _I_ am the one doing the asking?"

"Fraülein!"

"Well, _Captain_, I'm sorry, but it seems that you do take pleasure in challenging me."

His mouth fell open. "Pleasure in challenging _you_? I? _You_ are the one who is always…" How had she done that? She had placed _him_ in a defensive position, while _she_ was doing the attacking. He closed his eyes, and shook his head. "Of all the absurdities I've heard you blabbering in this house, this is the most…"

"Outrageous? Preposterous? Ridiculous, nonsensical, irrational, ludicrous... Or any other word with more than three syllables I will gave to look up in the dictionary? If nothing else, at least I am improving my limited commoner´s vocabulary."

His eyes narrowed into slits, and his expression turned dangerous. Maria stepped back. Again, she had gone too far. She felt compelled to do just that – to push him too far. It was something she had not been able to avoid. And the reason was not entirely unclear to her. He was much too disturbing when he was not yelling at her. She'd rather face his anger than that something she could not quite understand. Because she knew anger, and she could deal with it, and leave unscathed. What she did not know and could not deal with was something else – something that she had become conscious, for the first time, that night when he agreed to sing for her and the children, and for the last time earlier that day, when he touched her hands. _That_, whatever it was, was beyond anything she had ever experienced.

He rose from his desk, and walked towards her, and Maria force herself to hold her ground. She looked up to him. He came to a stop so close to her that the toes of their shoes almost touched. He spoke then, his voice barely containing his anger.

"I – said - _no!_" He said the words slowly, his voice merely above a whisper, but the tone was dark and menacing. It was the Captain at his worse - that she had learned so far. When he spoke suavely like that, he could inflict more fear than when she shouted. The men he commanded knew that very well.

But with _that _Captain she could deal just fine.

Maria crossed her arms in her chest, in an unconscious gesture of self defense. But she remained there, holding his gaze. It was a battle of wills none of them was willing to loose.

His next words surprised her.

"You do not like me very much, do you?"

Her eyes widened. But she had gone too far to start acting like a coward now.

"At this moment, not particularly, Captain."

He stiffened slightly, looking away. Odd, she thought, but there was a look in his eyes. He looked… offended. _Hurt!_ It was puzzling, why would he care, she was just - the governess.

"I see. In fact, I don't think like you very much either right now," he fired back.

Maria gaped in surprise. "Well, good."

"Good!" They spoke at the same time.

"You are not giving up that easily, are you?" he asked, still in that menacing tone, his lips now turned into a dangerous half smile.

"Not in a million years." She took a deep breath, and repeated her request once more. "May I _please_ be excused from dinner tonight?"

"No, you may not."

"_Why_?"

"I have an important announcement to make, and I would like you and everybody else to be there, that is why. And, like I said before, after dinner, you and I will have a little talk."

"But…"

"No _but´s_. You may not want to talk to me now, but you will once you listen to what I have to say to you and to the children. Besides, you do have to put a stop to this."

"Put a stop to what, Sir? I have never skipped dinner before. I might have been late a couple of times, but…"

"Stop running away!" Maria stilled. "You told me once that being outspoken was your worst fault. Well, it is not. Running away when things are just starting to become difficult for you to manage, _that_ is your real problem."

"I do not…"

"Yes, do you. You always did. That much I know about you. Your family made you miserable, and you ran to the first convent you set your eyes upon."

"How do you know that?" But he wasn't even listening.

"You were miserable there too and you were sent here. But we made you unhappy and you ran back there again, to your sainted Abbey, even though it was making you sick. Yes, the Reverend Mother told me about your headaches. The same Reverend Mother who was not easily fooled and must have sent you back to face whatever and whoever made you a nervous wreck, because I honestly doubt you would have made that decision on your own."

"Wait!!!"

"And, _alas,_ you are _still_ miserable. But I will _not _permit it to go on. I must end it, and I think I have the power to do that. You will not run again even if I have to lock you in the attic. You will stay and listen to what I have to say to you first. Only afterwards you'll be free to leave, if that is what you want to."

Maria was appalled, and not only because he had been speaking so fast that he was making her dizzy. Anger overcame all other emotions. How dare he? How could he know? If he knew, if he only knew. How dare he command her to stop feeling what she felt?

"It is nice to see you at a loss for words for a change," he continued. "_Get used to it_. It will happen again soon enough, so be prepared. I want to see the look in your eyes after I say what I want to say after dinner."

"Oh, but you won't, Captain von Trapp," she began angrily, her voice rising in volume and lowering in pitch, as she recovered her self confidence. "Because I will _not_ be there…" She nearly shouted the last words.

"Oh yes, you will!"

She ignored him. "… and because my eyes are my own and you have no business looking into them ever… again…" Tears came to her eyes, she could not go on. She turned to leave. "I _will not_ be there," she repeated.

"You will."

"I won't. What are you going to do this time? Ask me to _pack my things this minute and return to the Abbey_?"

It was her turn to leave him speechless.

That was it. She would leave in the morning, no matter what.

_A/N: The "my eyes are my own" line is from the real Maria's book._


	6. Chapter 6

_A/N:_

_What if the Captain, after breaking up with Elsa, waited another day or two to talk to Maria in the gazebo? _

_Disclaimer: I still do not own anything._

"_**Everything has a cause and the cause of anything is everything." Walter James Redfern Turner. **_

Maria did not attend dinner that night. And she did not dare to ask the children if the Captain had indeed made any announcements. They did not tell her either, it seemed that they were unsure of what to do, trying to act like nothing out of the ordinary had happened, but failing miserably.

Liesl, in particular, was behaving quite strangely. She went to look for Maria right after the meal was over, and did not leave her side for a second. Even when Maria went to the bathroom, she stayed outside, glued to the door. Much later that evening, Maria would learn that the girl had only been obeying her father's orders – to _keep an eye_ on her, in order to keep her from running away to Nonnberg again.

The feeling was one of absolute helplessness, something that Maria was not used to. She had always been able to stand up for herself, to defend herself tooth and nail if she needed to. Not knowing what to do had never been a problem before.

After that last altercation with the Captain, she had left his studio firmly decided to leave for the Abbey as soon as possible. But she was half way up the stairs when she thought: _What about the children? _Her feelings were not the only ones to be considered. Those children, whom she learned to love, had already lost too much, had already known too much grief and sadness in their short lives. It was heartbreaking, but Maria realized that no matter what she did, the children would be hurt again – there was nothing she could do to prevent that. Even if she stayed.

_If she stayed…_

The Captain would marry the Baroness, and Maria was fairly certain that the only thing that would be able to help the children to accept their new mother would be her presence there. The Captain knew that as well, and that was probably what he had been trying to talk to her about today, and so bent keeping her from leaving. But would she, Maria, be able to survive? Knowing now what she felt about him, would she be able to watch them happy together, day by day, as a married couple? The children would heal, they would move on, but would she?

Later that night, with Liesl always following her and watching her like a hawk, she went to say good night to the children. After tucking Gretl and Martha in bed, she found Louisa, Friedrich and Brigitta gathered together, in front of her bedroom.

"What are you all doing here? You should be in your own rooms by now." She entered the room, and they followed her.

"We missed you at dinner," said Friedrich. "We were worried."

"I was not feeling myself tonight, and asked to be excused," explained Maria. "I am sorry if I made you all worried, I didn't mean it."

"Martha and Gretl thought you had left again. And Kurt hardly ate anything. _Kurt_!"

"I´m hungry now," he boy said, rubbing his stomach.

"I feel terrible," Maria sat, sitting on the bed, after ruffling Kurt´s hair. "I wish I could go back in time and change a few things but... I cannot!"

"Fraülein Maria?"

"Yes, Brigitta?"

"We all love you; you know that, don't you?"

"Of course I do, darling."

"No, I mean, we _all_ love you."

"What she is trying to say is that father loves you too. Very much," Liesl said, a bit uncertainly.

_No, he __doesn't!_ Maria thought. _Regardless of what the Baroness said, he loves her and not I. She is perfect for him, in every possible manner. He just wants me around because of the children_.

"The trouble is that we don't know if _he _knows it…"

"He does not, because there is nothing to _know _or not to know, Friedrich. The Captain may love the fact that I made you children happy again, that I taught you how to sing, that he learned how to deal with you a little better, that you are back to being a true family again. That does not mean he loves _me,_ Maria It's completely absurd."

"Yes, he does!" They all said in unison.

"I can't believe how blind and stupid adults can be at times," Louisa added, punching a pillow.

"That is preposterous, children. He – your father does not even like me. He… thinks that I am too much trouble, and… oh well, maybe he is right, I am."

"But…"

"My darlings, your father is going to marry Baroness Schraeder, and you will all be very happy. I know that. In good time you'll learn to love your new mother."

"In good time he will learn how to get rid of her," Louisa said, punching Maria´s pillow again, this time repeatedly.

"Torturing my pillow won´t solve anything, Louisa."

But the girl ignored her comment. "I can't believe I will have to start hunting for bugs and frogs again! And how on earth am I supposed to get another snake now? I thought those days were over."

"If he marries her, he will be so unhappy, and he will want you back one day," said Brigitta.

"And he will find you wherever you are," added Louisa.

"Even if he has to fire a torpedo to the Abbey!" Kurt added dramatically. "He is _very_ good at that, you know!"

"I don't think the good nuns would be thrilled about that possibility, Kurt. And you, girls, you've been reading too many fairy tales. I mean, it is all right to read them, I adore those stories myself, but such things just don't happen real life. We already discussed this yesterday, and you promised me you all would at least try."

Louisa went to the window, and gazed outside, frowning. "Why don't you go outside to clear your head, Fraülein? It is such a beautiful night." There was a mischievous glint in her eyes, but Maria was too distressed to notice it.

"I think I might do just that. Meanwhile, you children should think about what I said and promise never to speak again about such things.."

¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨

It took all of Maria's powers of persuasion, but she finally convinced the four children to go to bed. She was left alone with Liesl, and followed her back to her room.

"Well, then, good night to you too, Liesl!"

"Not yet, Fraülein. Now I can stay up longer, remember? Father's orders," she grinned.

"Oh, that's right, you can." Maria sighed. "Oh well, have fun!"

"But what about your promise?"

"What promise, Liesl?"

"Last night. You said you would sing some _Lieder_ for us, with father playing the piano."

"Did I? Oh, yes, that's right, I _did_!" _Oh God, what am I going to do now? _It seemed so long ago, she had completely forgotten about it. "Is this why you have been following me all evening?"

"It could be," was her enigmatic answer.

"Liesl, I know I did promise, but first – are you sure the Baroness would not mind? She may wish to spend time with your father, and we would get in the way." Liesl was shaking her head vigorously. "What is it?"

"Baroness Schrader is not here tonight."

"Not here? Where is she?"

"Vienna, I would think."

"But… how, when, _why?_"

"Father drove her to the train station this morning."

"_This morning?_ But he never said a think to me. Not that he was under the obligation to say anything, but… _why_?" Maria repeated the question, absolutely aghast. She had been the last to know, but that should not surprise her, considering the fact that she was an employee. But it was only a painful little reminder that she should not long for things she should not have.

"We don't know. He is being very secretive about it. And so is Uncle Max. I suspect they are going to surprise us with something, but I don't know what yet. Louisa and Friedrich nearly went crackers trying to figure it out right after dinner. And Brigitta went as far as asking Franz if he had heard anything."

"And what did he say?"

"Nothing. He never says anything, not to _us_."

"Well, then, when will the Baroness be back?"

"I have no idea. But it will have to be soon, if the wedding is going to happen in September."

"So soon! I see."

"So… Schubert awaits!"

"Oh yes, Schubert," mumbled Maria, somewhat desolate, following Liesl downstairs.


	7. Chapter 7

_A/N:_

_What if the Captain, after breaking up with Elsa, waited another day or two to talk to Maria in the gazebo? _

_My thanks to my new beta (yes, now I have one!), Mellie D, for her advice and words of encouragement. I must give credit to her for a few lines in this chapter, as well as in the next chapter._

_I have been forgetting to thank you for your wonderful reviews. I had no idea this story would please you all so much. A huge thank you to all of you - it is your words that keep me going._

_Disclaimer: The usual – I do not own "The Sound of Music"._

_**What is it, that fills the soul?**_

_**Ah, love fills it, love!**_

_**It is filled not by gold, nor its worth,**_

_**not by what the bleak world desires:**_

_**it is filled only with love!**_

_**What is it that stills our yearnings?**_

_**Ah, love stills them, love!**_

_**They are stilled not by titles, status or rank,**_

_**and not by the ringing bells of renown;**_

_**they are stilled only by love, love!**_

_**What is it that the heart desires?**_

_**It desires love!**_

_**It does not yearn for sudden kisses**_

_**nor the enjoyment of lust;**_

_**it yearns only for love!**_

_**(…)**_

_**Everything for love (Alles um Liebe) – words by Ludwig Gotthard Theobul Kosegarten (1758-1818), music by Franz Schubert. Transl. by Emily Ezust.**_

Unexpected sounds greeted Liesl and Maria when they neared the drawing room. Someone was _singing_ – or at least trying to.

_The good Lord told us to make a joyful noise – he never said anything about being a pretty noise,_ Maria thought.

"_I am the very model of a modern Major-General,  
I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral,  
I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical  
From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical;  
I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical,  
I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical,  
About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news –  
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse." _(1)

"What is _that_?" Maria asked.

"The Pirates of Penzance. I believe," said Liesl.

"I know. Maybe I should ask - _who_ is that?"

"It is not father, then it can only be…" Liesl smiled broadly, "Uncle Max! He must be very amused. I don't remember hearing him before."

_That may be a blessing,_ Maria thought, looking upward as if thanking the Lord. "I did not know Herr Detweiler could sing." Or _could not_ sing, she should have said. The man was absolutely tone deaf.

"Neither did I. Oh God, this is terrible. I wonder why father is not yelling at him…"

"_I'm very good at integral and differential calculus;  
I know the scientific names of beings animalculous:  
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,  
I am the very model of a modern Major-General." _

"Max, will you please stop that infernal cacophony!" the Captain bellowed, before Liesl could finish her sentence. "I cannot even think straight."

"I did not know you could – uh - sing too, Herr Detweiler," said Maria as soon as they entered the room.

"That is because he cannot," the Captain returned dryly. "Or do you consider the squealing you just heard _singing_?" Maria did not reply. The look in his face was rancorous, his voice wry and sarcastic – no, he had not liked her absence during dinner. "Well, I am glad you could finally join the rest of us mortals."

"You told me specifically last night that I had no other choice but to join you and the family after dinner."

"Oh yes. _Dinner_. Which reminds me - _you missed it_!"

"I excused myself, didn't I?"

"You did, and I did _not_ accept your excuse."

"I refuse to obey a command when…"

"Watch it. You are contradicting yourself, Fraülein!"

"How?!" Maria crossed her arms over her chest and stared at him, defiantly.

"You said you are here because I ordered you to, and yet you say you refuse to obey me. That is not very logical, is it?"

"Well, it would not be so illogical, _Captain_, if you at least let me finish one sentence once in a while."

"If I let you finish _all_ your sentences, I would be listening to your incessant rambling and blabbering twenty four hours a day."

"I _never _ramble, and I am not a blabbermouth. I just say what I have to say. Some people call it _honesty."_

"Oh really? _Who?_"

"The Reverend Mother."

"Well, no offense to the Mother Abbess, but I call it _yakking."_

Maria's mouth fell open. Behind her, Liesl giggled. Max just shook his head and laughed, throwing himself at the closest chair and taking a healthy sip of his champagne glass. Liesl had been right – he was enjoying himself immensely.

"Are you familiar with any of Schubert's _Lieder_?" the Captain asked abruptly. Maria blinked. He was looking at her intently, and at first she was rendered speechless. His own words from earlier in the day came back to her. _Get used to it_.

Clearing her throat, she answered. "Not as much as would have liked to, since I am usually too busy _yakking._."

He ignored her taunt. "I thought so. Love songs are not exactly a part of Nonnberg´s repertoire, are they?"

"No, Captain, they are not. Except for those with religious themes, naturally."

"Naturally. Well, I have none of those in mind for tonight, but I am sure you'll do just fine. We have to humor Liesl, otherwise she won't leave us alone. And Max will slowly torture us with his… _singing_."

"What can I do, Georg?" Max spoke. "Those who can, sing, those who cannot…"

"… explore those who can and inflict unbearable pain and suffering upon those who cannot. Yes, I know that, Max."

"Father, you promised," Liesl protested, sensing that their musical evening was about to be ruined. "You know how much I miss this. You know, from the old days."

"Yes, darling, that I know too," his voice softened as he spoke to his daughter. He handled Maria some music sheets. "Here. I am not sure this is entirely appropriate for your vocal range, but…"

"Oh, I am sure can manage something," she whispered, while her eyes tried to make sense of the notes and words in the pages she held in front of her eyes. A deep frown marred her brow. Schubert had written the music for over five hundred _Lieder,_ maybe one thousand, and the Captain had to choose that one!

"What's wrong?" the Captain asked, after she had been silent for almost half a minute.

"Nothing. Do you think we could choose something less…"

"Romantic?" he echoed her thoughts cynically, raising his eyebrows.

"I was going to say tragic and _depressing_. Love does not have to be depressing, does it?" She spoke before she could think about what she was saying.

"If you say so," he shrugged, looking away from her.

She kept her gaze fixed on the music, refusing to look anywhere else – his eyes most of all. "This one speaks of _unfriendly wildernesses_, _darkness of death_ and _dying young_. Enough to give any impressionable girl nightmares."

"Do you think _you_ can bear it?" It was an odd question to ask.

_That is a good question,_ Maria thought.

Franz appeared at the door at this point. "Excuse me, Captain von Trapp!"

"Yes, Franz."

"Your… mother-in-law on the telephone, Sir. Again. Calling from Paris this time."

"Again!" Liesl exclaimed. "That makes two phone calls in less than a week. Father, what does Gromi want after all?"

"The connection was lost and I could not actually talk to her the last time, Liesl." Then he turned to Max. "Do you think the news have reached her already?"

"What news father? Have told her about the engagement?" Liesl asked, but both men ignored her.

"_Already_? Are you joking? Georg. I am surprised the woman has not called you weeks ago!"

Maria was puzzled by Max's statement – the Captain and the Baroness had not been engaged weeks ago.

"There is nothing extraordinary going on here that could be any of her business."

"Georg, you have to admit there is nothing ordinary about a condecorated Naval commander pursuing a..."

"_Max_!" The Captain silenced him so briskly that Maria jumped. She could swear that Her Detweiler was... blushing. What was happening tonight? What mysterious phenomenon had altered the balance of the universe as she knew it? No one was behaving normally, and that included herself, Maria. Everybody was acting in a very peculiar manner.

Georg´s voice softened again, as he addressed his daughter. "Liesl, I am afraid that your Schubert will have to wait yet another night."

"I understand, father. Is there anything wrong with Grandmother? Is she ill?"

"She… is doing just fine. The trouble is that she seems to have a little too much time in her hands at the moment."

"Is she coming for a visit soon?"

"I would think so, yes! In fact, I would be surprised if she did not, considering the circumstances."

The Captain left the room in order to answer the phone. When he reached the door, he turned around, and faced Maria.

"Fraülein –"

"Yes?"

"Please don't - just don't go away before I have a chance to do talk to you." He left without waiting for her answer. Max scurried after him with the obvious intention of eavesdropping.

"Grandmother _never ever _calls," Liesl told her when they were alone. "It is always father who calls her. I mean, she rings when she wants to talk to me or the other children, but she never calls father."

"Why is that?"

"She believed my mother's family outrank the von Trapps, if you know what I mean. She always said that father was not aristocratic enough for my mother. Er... she believes her blue blood is _bluer_ than father's. Her words, not mine."

"But that is such an awful thing to say. I didn't know there were shades of blue to those who had blue blood. I used to know one color only - red!"

"I know. She is not entirely a bad person, but she still clings to certain old ideas."

"Why do you think she called?"

"I have no idea. This is strange, very strange."

A/N:

(1) Max's singing is from Gilbert & Sullivan, The Pirates of Penzance.

(2) If you haven´t guessed already, you will discover why Georg´s mother-in-law has been calling in my next story.


	8. Chapter 8

_A/N:_

_What if the Captain, after breaking up with Elsa, waited another day or two to talk to Maria in the gazebo? Again, thank you for reviewing!_

_Thanks to Mellie D. for the __practically perfect review work. Correction – perfect. Her suggestions gave this chapter all that I thought it was lacking._

_Disclaimer: I still do not own anything._

"_**Happy the man who has been able to learn the causes of things." [Lat., Felix qui potuit rerum cognoscere causas.. Virgil, Georgics (II, 490).**_

Maria went outside, as soon as Liesl went up to her room. The Captain had gone straight to his study after the phone call, and she thought he had forgotten about her entirely. Usually, when he locked himself there, he would not leave again for several hours.

The garden looked particularly beautiful that evening. The storm happening inside the Trapp Villa had not reached it yet. The skies were clear, and there was a full moon. It gave the garden a bluish tint, which suited her state of mind perfectly. She wandered aimlessly through the trees. It seemed she walked for hours like that, and it was not until her feet started to hurt that she decided to sit down for a rest . Her shoes had not exactly been made for walking,.

The glass-walled gazebo had always been her favorite place, ever since she arrived at the Trapp villa. It was to where she ran to, whenever she needed some time for herself. It was closer than the mountains and her new safe haven. The mountains, although her first love and the only place where she could go to truly forget her worries, were too far with seven children under her care. And, lately, it was where she went when she would wake up to his music in the middle of the night, only to feel tempted to join him, as he had once said she could if she so wished. It gave her a sense of security, of closeness and yet she could be at one with nature thanks to the glass walls.

_Enjoy it, this may be your last time here,_ Maria thought, sighing, as she sat on one end of a stone bench, just outside the gazebo. Placing her elbows on her knees, she leaned forward, her fingers knitted together.

She was exhausted. Her mind was tired of trying to find a solution to her problem. It was painful even to think about it, because every path she considered seemed to lead her everywhere except towards happiness.

_Think Maria, think about anything else. But do not think of him!_

Staring downwards, she frowned deeply, noticing the sad state of her new shoes. It was enough to distract her for a moment.

_If you are planning to walk, wear sensible shoes,_ she censored herself. Only she never had that kind of problem before. All she had at the Abbey were sensible shoes. Two pairs of them.

"Hallo!"

His voice startled her, and she sat up straight. It was not as much as the sound of the voice, but his tone. She looked up to her right, and saw him there, a few feet away, standing by a tree, looking almost too handsome to be real, in the same dark grey suit he was wearing earlier.

_Hallo??!!!_ He never said that to her before. When he was in a good mood, he usually greeted her with his usual formality. When he was in a bad mood, it was the usual _"Fraülein!",_ exclamation point and all. But _hallo_ was a word she had never heard from his lips before, one that she was sure was not part of his upper class vocabulary.

_Don´t think!_ The rational part of her warned. But how could she not, with him standing there, looking at her like that? And just… _looking_ like that?

"I - I thought I just might find you here." His tone was almost playful, a startling contrast with the way he spoke to her in the last couple of times they clashed. She was not sure what to think. But she was not surprised he knew where to find her. Later, when she remembered that night, she would wonder if, unconsciously, she had gone to the gazebo precisely for that reason.

"Was - was there something you wanted?" she asked, uncertain, bracing herself to face his anger again, for the third time that day. For the first time, she regretted that she had spoken so freely to him earlier, she regreted every sentence she had thrown back at him.

"Mm? No, no, no, no. Sit down, please." But she remained there, motionless, just staring at him. He insisted. "Please!" and showed the bench with a gesture.

Maria sat down, daintily, at the end of the bench. To say that he was making her nervous was an understatement.

"Uh - may I?" Was he actually _asking for permission_ to join her?

She nodded and he sat on the opposite end, his legs to the other side from hers. She was unable to tear her gaze away from him, until he smiled at her. Quickly, she looked away, and turned her gaze, once more, at her lap, feeling more self-conscious than ever.

His smile broadened, and teased, "Careful, if you move farther away from me, you'll fall off."

Was she being so obvious?

"I'm not…"

"Oh yes, you are. Don't worry, I won't bite you."

_Bite? _Maria had a feeling he would do much worse.

"I seem to have run out of any skills to start any more verbal battles with you tonight. You won! I never thought it could happen, but it did, and it is quite… unsettling."

She took a deep breath, for courage. "Captain, if this is about dinner and earlier this evening, I do need to apologize. I know I behaved appallingly. I went too far."

"Yes. And so did I. Do me a favor, will you?"

"Yes…"

"Forget dinner. Forget what I said before dinner. And after dinner as well. I was not myself, I was… dealing with, or at least trying to deal, with too many things at once. I had a lot on my mind. It will all make sense to you when I explain everything. What brings me here is much more important than any of that."

"What is it?"

"I said we must have a talk, didn't I?"

"You did."

"And, as there is no one to interrupt us now… What? Why are you staring at me that way?"

"In what way, Captain?"

"Like if I was going to make you walk the plank. Or worse, keelhaul you."

"I don't know… do they still do that? What is keelhauling?"

"It means… Stop trying to change the subject. It won't work this time."

"Yes, but that makes perfect sense to me."

"Does it?"

"It does. Sister Berthe always said that one day I would find myself in real trouble, so much that I would not be able to talk my way out of it."

"What makes you think you are in trouble now?"

"I don't know. Am I?" she asked, unsure.

He laughed, and shook his head. "If you are, then so am I! So, please, go ahead, talk us both out of this one!"

"I cannot. You see, in order for me to do that, at least one of us must know what is going on."

"What do you think is going on?"

"I don't know, everyone is behaving so strangely tonight. You, Herr Detweiler – even Liesl."

"And you are no exception."

"Well, I _feel _strange. If you don't know what is going on, then I –" she blinked repeatedly, "I don't know either. I don't know what to do. So please, help me. Sister Berthe was right – I cannot talk myself out of this. I have tried but – I can't. I have not won the battle – you have, Captain."

_I may have won the battle, but she won the war,_ he thought.

"You really don't have a clue! Do you?" He sounded disconcerted. Awestruck.

That was not entirely true. Maria did have a clue. What if the Baroness was right. What if he... But the possibility was so disturbing that it terrified her, to the point that she had simply shut her mind to the possibility.

The Captain continued. "This changes everything. Now, where should I begin?"

"You can start by…"

"The very beginning?" He touched his ear, she would soon learn that it meant he was embarrassed, or at a loss for words. "That was when you first…"

"When I first what?"

"No, no, no. This won't do. The truth is that…" He was searching carefully for his next words. "You know, I was thinking and I was wondering… two things. Why did you run away to the Abbey? And what was it that made you come back?" He stressed each word of his question with a gesture, as if he were explaining some kind of military tactic.

"Oh, _that_!"

"Yes, _that_."

"Is that the… the very beginning?"

"It is the only beginning that matters now. It is only the tip of the iceberg, as I see it."

"Why is that so important to you? What does it matter now? It is all settled, isn't it? I am sure the Reverend Mother will help you find a new governess if you only talk to her. And I will leave as soon as that is all arranged, and not before, I have already given you my word on that. You don´t have to send Liesl to follow me around to keep me from leaving." He stared at her in surprise. "Yes, I do notice things sometimes, Captain. The truth is that I am not leaving before making sure the children will be taken care of, unless you send me away first. Is that why you are here? Because if it is, I can understand…"

"Just - _answer the question_. Please." He did not sound angry, just - amused

Maria had long decided that she would carry that particular truth to the grave. No matter what, she would never reveal it to anyone else. Confronting the truth while talking to the Reverend Mother had been too much. Her emotions had gotten the best of her that day and she would _not_ let them sway her again. Finding the strength and courage to drag herself through all that happened ever since she had confessed her feelings had been painful enough. All she could do was manage to stay as close as possible to the whole truth, without revealing too much, and praying that she sounded just a little bit convincing.

"Well, I had an obligation to fulfill and I - I came back to fulfill it."

There – that would have to do. But he was _not_ convinced.

"As simple as that?"

"Yes." She swallowed the truth behind her one-word answer.

"It can't be that simple. It can't be all. Mm… Is that all?"

She went for her next rehearsed phrase. "I missed the children."

"Yes. Uh, uh. O_nly_ the children?"

Her heart fluttered. "No. Yes! Isn't it right I should have missed them?" She looked at him frowning, almost daring him to contradict her, and, at the same time hoping that he had not noticed that slip of tongue. She couldn't focus on his eyes; she had to focus somewhere else. The eyes are a mirror to one's soul - she couldn't bring herself to bear her soul to this man, verbally or otherwise. She focused on his mouth – forming words, words that would soon change her life forever.

"Oh, yes, yes, of course! I was, uh, only hoping that perhaps you… perhaps you might, uh…"

"Yes?" _Might I what?_, she wanted to ask.

"Well, uh, nothing was the same when you were away and it'll be wrong again after you leave. And I just thought perhaps you might; uh… change your mind?"

_He was asking her to stay. Again. But why?_ Her eyes moved from his mouth to his eyes.

"Ch... change my mind?"

His voice dropped to a quiet whisper. He searched her eyes as he spoke his litany. "Yes. Stay with me... with us. Forever. No new governess. Just you."

Maria studied his face, his eyes unbelievably blue under the moonlight. She did not know what had been worse – the Baroness parting words the night of the ball or that he had just asked of her.

"_Goodbye, Maria. I'm sure you'll make a very fine nun."_

Maria had never been closer to actually hating anyone other than her uncle since she heard those words. She never actually disliked the Baroness, in spite of everything – she always believed she could not be blamed for being what she was. Except in that moment.

And now, _him…_

He was thinking of himself, of the children, and even of the Baroness. She would have to be the greatest of fools to even consider that he had been thinking about _her. _

"But Captain, I cannot do that, you know I cannot stay. What about my vows? I am going to be a nun before the year is over! The longer I stay, the worse it will be for the children when I go."_ And for me._

He shuffled closer to her on the bench, never breaking eye contact with her. "I think that you and I know that it is not going to happen anymore."

"We do?" Her nervousness evident, even to him in the pale moonlight. She swallowed again and noted that the truth was getting harder and harder to hold back.

"Yes. Please, don´t trouble to deny it."

"But that is not true!" She rose and walked away, towards the gazebo, seeking some safety in distance. Seeking security in transparent walls. When she was in control again, she said. "You don´t have to worry too much about the children, I had a talk with them. And I'm sure the Baroness will be able to make things _fine_ for you."

She couldn't face him again, not with her emotions so close to spilling over. She leaned on the doorway for support when she heard his whisper…

"Maria…"

_This can't be happening to me _she thought.


	9. Chapter 9

_A/N:_

_What if the Captain, after breaking up with Elsa, waited another day or two to talk to Maria in the gazebo? A slight reference to another story, "In Vino Veritas"._

_My thanks to all of you who reviews for this story. And my special thanks to Mellie D. who helped me with the final touches, and also to another old time TSOM fan, Valouisa, for her priceless encouragement._

_**Happy reading to you all!**_

_Disclaimer: I still do not own anything._

_**Joyful**_

_**And sorrowful,**_

_**Thoughtful;**_

_**Longing**_

_**And anxious**_

_**In constant anguish;**_

_**Skyhigh rejoicing**_

_**despairing to death;**_

_**Happy alone**_

_**Is the soul that loves.**_

_**Freudvoll und Leidvoll (Joyful and Sorrowful) – words by Goethe, Music by Franz Schubert. Transl. by Richard Morris**_

"Maria…"

She stopped where she was, unable to formulate another single coherent thought.

_He called her Maria._

It had not been the first time, but somehow she knew this was different – that _he_ was different. The first time had been up in the attic when she found him drowning his sorrows in too much wine, and she had always considered his casual use of her name a very understandable slip of tongue. Sometimes she even wondered if she had not imagined it, or even if he had realized what he had done. But she was definitely not imagining things now, this was real. Her name escaping his lips sounded like an answered prayer from God. She closed her eyes and took a calming breath, only to have her moment of peace interrupted by his statement.

"Elsa is gone. There is no Baroness."

"Gone?" Maria turned to him, a questioning look in her eyes, only to see his solemn face looking back at her. Then she remembered, "Oh, yes, Liesl told me she is back in Vienna for a few days, but when she returns" her voice cracked but she continued, "she will want to… you will… _marry her!_ In September!"

_Yes. He will marry her__ in September! So what is he trying to do to me_?! The baroness has made it quite clear that the Captain was merely infatuated with Maria, whereas with the baroness it was right. It was proper, it was expected, it was….

"No. _There is not going to be any Baroness_," he repeated, stressing each word.

"There isn't?"

_There is not going to be any Baroness._Maria tried to make sense of the words, but her thoughts scattered in every direction except the one she knew she had to take. _Is she no longer a Baroness?_ _Did she loose her title? How does a Baroness loose a title? But if she was going to marry the Captain, she would still be a Baroness anyway, because the Captain was also a Baron._

He walked past her into the gazebo.

"No," he answered simply.

"You´re right. I don't understand. Not at all."

"Well, we've, um - called off our engagement, you see, and, um…"

"Oh, I'm sorry," she said impulsively, simply because it was what people usually said in those circumstances. She still wasn´t able to think straight – her mind was hopelessly trapped between the moment in time when he had called her _Maria_ and the moment he said that _there was no Baroness._

"Yes. You are?" He sounded absolutely incredulous. He turned to her, looking into her eyes for the truth.

"Mm hmm. You did?" She looked at him in shock. Only then the full implications of what he was saying hit her.

Only then the full implications of what he was saying hit her. She briefly recited the conclusions in though, as if she he was explaining something to the children.

_He called her Maria._

_There was not going to be any Baroness._

_The Captain and the Baroness had called off their engagement._

_There was not going to be a wedding in September._

Then…

Maria was distracted from her thoughts again, because he was close, so very close now, as he circled her. His arm brushed against the sleeves of her dress. She looked up at him in utter disbelief.

"Yes. I don´t know what I was thinking when I proposed to her. I – uh – I think I was running away, just like you, only to a different place. You felt safe at the Abbey, I felt safe with Elsa. It was… easier."

_Ask him_, Maria urged herself. _Go on – just ask him!_

"Why – why did you change your mind?" Her voice was barely above a whisper.

"Why did you change yours? Why did you come back, Maria? No, don´t tell me it was only for the children. And don´t speak of obligations to fulfill."

She shook her head, refusing to answer before he did. "Please," she pleaded. Tears were forming in her eyes, but she refused to shed them.

"Well, you can't marry someone when… you're in love with someone else…" He was facing her now. Close, very close.

_In love…_

Blue. It was all she could see. His eyes were the purest blue fire under the moonlight. Blue, like the dress she was wearing. Another scene, not to long ago, flashed in her memory, at the speed of light.

""_Now, where is that lovely little thing you were wearing the other evening when the Captain couldn't keep his eyes off you?"_

"_Couldn't keep his eyes off me?" _

"_Come, my dear, we are women. Now, let's not pretend we don't know when a man notices us."_

"_The Captain notices everybody and everything."_

"_There's no need to feel so defensive, Maria. You are quite attractive, you know. The Captain would hardly be a man if he didn't notice you."_

"_Baroness, I hope you're joking."_

"_Not at all."_

"_But I've never done a thing to…"_

"_But you don't have to, my dear. There's nothing more irresistible to a man than a woman who's in love with him."_

"_In love with him?"_

"_Of course. And what makes it so nice is that he think he's in love with you."_

"_But that's not true!"_

"_Surely you've noticed the way he looks into your eyes. And you know, uh, you blushed in his arms when you were dancing just now.""_

"Can you?" he asked, intrigued by her brief silence, so softly that she barely heard him.

Maria shook her head, in awe or denial, or both, she did not know. But her dismay was all the answer that he needed.

He cupped her chin in his hand and pulled her gently toward him, with such care and restraint that the simple memory of that moment would be enough to bring tears to her eyes for years to come. It was her very first kiss, and he knew it. At first he merely brushed her lips with his, allowing her time to get used to the wondrous feeling. It wasn´t until he felt Maria´s hands on his upper arms that he deepened the kiss, just a little bit. He kissed her tenderly, gently, and, at the same time, pouring his heart and soul into that simple, most basic of all intimate acts between two lovers. The poignancy of it was almost too keen to bear. Maria let her head fall on his shoulder.

The glass walls surrounding them disappeared, as she fully accepted the only shelter she had ever wanted, had ever needed – his arms.

""_Are you in love with him?"_

"_I don't know! I don't know! The Baroness said I was. She - she said that he was in love with me, but I-I didn't want to believe it. Oh, there  
were times when we would look at each other. Oh Mother, I could hardly breathe!"_

"_Did you let him see how you felt?"_

"_If I did, I didn't know it. That's what's been torturing me. I was there on God's errand. To have asked for his love would have been  
wrong. Oh, I couldn't stay, I just couldn't. I'm ready at this moment to take my vows. Please help me."_

"_Maria, the love of a man and a woman is holy, too. You have a great capacity to love. What you must find out is how God wants you to spend  
your love.""_

"G… Georg," she whispered, and he smiled at how easily and naturally his first name had come to her lips. He grazed his lips all over her face. He kissed her eyelids, her cheek, the tip of her nose. "C… could you?" He raised his head and gazed at her questioningly, lovingly. "Could you just… just hold me tight?"

His arms instantly tightened against her. "Would you like to sit down?"

"No, please. Just… hold me." As his arms gave her a tighter embrace, she closed her eyes. Dreaming – she must be dreaming. Such bliss did not belong to reality, at least not to real life as she knew it. She sighed contently against his chest. She could hear his heart beating… Yes, this was real. He loved her, and she was… her heart skipped a beat as she finally admitted to herself – she loved him.

"The Reverend Mother always says, "_When the Lord closes a door, somewhere He opens a window_," she burst out. She had to say something, she just had to. If she did not, she felt she would just melt into his arms, she would forget who she was. Somehow she knew that the day would come when she would wish to do just that, but it was all still too new. There was still much to be explained much to be understood before she fully abandoned herself to that wonderful new world he was showing her.

He smiled, and although she could not see it, she felt it. "What else does the Reverend Mother say?" he asked, forcing her to look at him again.

"That you have to look for your life… for the life you were born to live."

"Is that why you came back?"

Maria nodded.

"And have you found it, Maria?"

""_My daughter, if you love this man, it doesn't mean you love God less. No. You must find out. You must go back."_

"_Oh, Mother, you can't ask me to do that. Please, let me stay. I beg of you."_

"_Maria, these walls were not built to shut out problems. You have to face them. You have to live the life you were born to live."_

She smiled up at him, the tears making her blink. "I think I have." She looked into his eyes, and for the first time, allowed herself to see the love she knew was shining in them for her. They gave her confidence to accept God's will – to accept the life she was born to live. "I know I have."

"I love you."


	10. Chapter 10

_A/N:_

_Final chapter.__ I gave the saying "Nothing comes from nothing" a slightly different interpretation than the one given in the song, so you will finally understand the reason for the title._

_There __references to my stories "Underneath her wimple" and "The Baroness and the pine cone", but it can be read independently._

_A special thanks for my dear, dear friend Valouisa, who also happens to be a wonderful writer herself. I only wish she could try writing some TSOM fan fiction herself one day… _

_My thanks to all of you reviewed who followed me through this story and kept me going with your words. I promise there will be more reading material for you soon._

_At last, but not least, this story would not be without the magic touches of my super-beta Mellie D. This tale would not be the same if not for her help and insight. _

_Disclaimer: I still do not own anything._

_**Perhaps I had a wicked childhood  
Perhaps I had a miserable youth  
But som**__**ewhere in my wicked, miserable past  
There must have been a moment of truth**_

For here you are, standing there, loving me  
Whether or not you should  
So somewhere in my youth or childhood  
I must have done something good

Nothing comes from nothing  
Nothing ever could  
So somewhere in my youth or childhood  
I must have done something good

Rodgers and Hammerstein, "The Sound of Music".

"_I love you_."

Maria had no idea at that moment that Georg von Trapp could count in his fingers the number of times in his life when he said those three words.

_T__en times._ He had said them for the first time when he proposed to his first wife, then again during their wedding night, and for the last time when she was on her deathbed. And once after each of their children were born. Not because he did not love her, but because words did not come easily to him, so that he had to show her his love in many other ways. It was just the way he was – he had been taught, from the cradle, to keep his feelings to himself, and he had learned his lesson so well that, at times, it took him a while to uncover and accept those feelings.

The way he said it… It was a once in a lifetime moment to Maria. Years later she would tell him if she never heard that from him again, it would hardly matter, because the intensity of it when he said them for the first time had been enough to last for eternity. His face, his voice, his whole stance told her he was serious; that he meant every single one of those three words, and that he did not doubted that they represented an absolute truth. And, because of her religious background, Maria was a believer of absolute truths, of things that could never be doubted or questioned. The fact that Captain Georg von Trapp loved her, and that she loved him became one of those truths, instantly.

This man did not want her only in his bed, as it had been viciously insinuated to her the night of the ball, not only by the Baroness, but by the whispered words she heard from the other guests. This man, this proud, aristocratic man, this fine and brave sea captain as the Mother Abbess had described him the very first time Maria ever heard of him, this dangerously handsome devil who tempted her night and day just by being in the same room with her – this man _loved_ her. Her, Maria, who knew too much about loss but nothing of love, so much that she did not recognized the feeling for what it was the first time it bloomed inside her.

"Oh, can this be happening to me?" The words came out, and she was not able to stop them.

At first he thought she was going to kiss him, but at the last minute, she dropped her head to his chest. She wanted to say she loved him too, but her mouth refused to form the words. She would say it, eventually, but only when she was as sure and in control of herself as he had been, and not before that. More than anything, she wanted that her "I love you" would become to him also an absolute truth, she wanted to be just as profound and as deep in meaning as his words had been.

"Maria… Why do you think I have – no, why do you think _we_ have been in agony since the night of the ball?" He murmured against her forehead.

"I thought… I thought you just wantedme as your… your…"

He stiffened. "You thought I wanted you as my _mistress_?" The word made her cringe.

"I lived long enough outside those convent walls to know what that means," was her strangled reply.

He pulled back from her, anger in his voice. "And who gave you that silly idea? Who have you been listening to? Because I…."

"It does not matter now." She looked up into his eyes, hoping that he wouldn't push her farther. She hoped in vain.

"Maria…" She knew that tone now. He was not going to her escape so easily. "It _does_ matter to me. I would never dream of asking such a thing of you. It - it would kill us both"

"Some people saw us dancing the Ländler. There was some talk and -"

He cursed. "I heard it too, but I never thought anyone would dare saying anything to you."

"No one said anything _to_ me. I just heard things. You´d be surprised to know how much people say in front of a governess thinking we don´t listen, or because we simply… we simply do not matter."

"That was gossiping of the worst kind, my love. I did what I could to stop it that night, but there are things that are just beyond my power. Is that one of the things you were so much afraid of?"

"I thought you just wanted me," she repeated.

"And, _I do want you_. I cannot hide this from you, and I won´t – not anymore. And I knew it was true long before I knew that I loved you."

"Oh." Her surprise was evident in her voice.

"Remember that day with Max and Elsa when the subject of the deadly sins came up?" He felt her nod. "Why do you think I forgot the seventh one?"

"Because everyone _always_ forgets the seventh one when they try to name them all." He could hear her smile without having to look at her face.

"No. Because I could barely bring myself to say the word, with you there, sitting across from me wearing your habit, wimple and all, and all I could think about was how much I wanted to… And still, it came out of your lips so easily, so innocently. I felt – I felt like a bolt of lightning would strike me at any moment, and I would be sent straight to hell, as a punishment for my thoughts. I felt like a cad for thinking about you like that, and yet I could not stop myself.But make no mistake, my love. What I feel for you isn't pure lust, it's a desire to be with you, to know you within and without. To know what drives the fire in your eyes, what makes your heart skip a beat. I -" He paused, trying to find the right words. He continued softly, "I never felt that for Elsa."

_Guilt – _so he had felt it too… She could never have imagined that, not in a million years.

He was shocked. "You felt it too then. That awful sense _guilt_."

"Why would you feel guilty about anything?"

"Why would I not? I was supposed to be a nun and there you were, looking at me that way, making me _feel_ things I did not even know existed. You were vying for my heart that I had vowed would belong to God. You – you opened my eyes to a world that I could never dream of – and shouldn't have dreamed of. But once my eyes were opened, they were beguiled by you. You confused my mind by touching my heart."

"You bewitched me from the very first day, when I found you waltzing in my ballroom wearing that convent contraption you used to call a dress."

"Is that why you made me turn around and take off my hat?"

"No, that was only because I was acting like a martinet."

She laughed , and then looked him in they eyes. He could tell that there was another question weighing on her mind, and he cocked his eyebrow in silent supplication for her inquiry. She wrapped her arms around him and bit her lower lip in pondering her next question. He was about to verbally prod her, when she asked in a very confident but quiet voice. "Does… does being obsessive about wanting to rip off your tie and messing up your hair mean that I wanted you to?"

"God, I hope so!" She giggled and he joined her, out of pure relief. "Go ahead. Do it," he encouraged.

Maria decided to leave the tie alone for the moment – he looked far too handsome in that suit. But the hair… She raised her hand from his shoulder, tentatively, and touched it, at last. It was very thick and soft, softer than her own hair. She heard his quick intake of breath, as her fingers played with his hair. It did not take too long for that stubborn lock to fall forward, and she pushed it back, but not before she studied the effect on him, with a look of complete fascination and… something else.

"Well, _Captain_, I am glad one of us knows what this is all about. I did not recognize any of these feelings until they were shoved right into my face," she said finally.

"You really had no idea? None at all?" Maria shook her head. "And to think that I was angry because I thought you were running from me."

"There is a saying - the nuns would repeat it over and over and again. I made it my motto, and based everything I have ever believed in that."

"What is it? The one about the Lord closing a door and opening a window?"

"No. Another one - _nothing comes from nothing._"

"_Nothing comes from nothing_," he repeated. "Yes, I know what you are talking about."

"It means so many things. But it also means that I could not have known something when I had nothing to start from." He gave her a puzzled look. "You see, I would not be able to recognize the taste of champagne because I never drank it. Love between a man and a woman and everything that comes with it was never a part of my world, so how was I supposed to recognize it?"

"You´ll taste your first champagne soon enough." He touched the tip of her nose. "You know now, don´t you?"

"I do – at least I think I do. Only because you showed me. You, the Reverend Mother and…" she as going to say The Baroness, but stopped herself just in time. "But I am still trying to make sense of it."

"Why, Maria?"

"Some day I will tell you everything about my life and you will understand."

He did not press her any further. Stepping back, and took both of her hands in his.

"Do you know when I first started loving you? Not just wanting you – _loving_ you. That night at the dinner table when you sat on that ridiculous pine cone." He laughed, and she joined him.

"What? And I knew the first time you blew that silly whistle. At least, that's what I now know the feeling was."

He touched her face. "Oh, my love."

She smiled against his caress. "What was it about the pine cone?"

He playfully tapped her nose. "That is something I will save for later. Much later."

He kissed her again. Passionately this time, holding none of his love from her. In time, she would learn that Georg could make a kiss the most intimate of experiences. Soon she was responding to it, allowing him to guide her on her first taste of passion. There was nothing for her to do but hold on to his shoulders and let him take them both on that maddening ride.

"Maria?" he spoke finally, against her lips.

"Mmmm?"

"Is there anyone I should go to, to ask permission to marry you?"

Her head shot up. Had she heard him right? Had he just… _proposed to her?_

Their eyes met, her eyes asking him if she heard him correctly, his eyes pleading for her to say yes. She looked past him for a moment, through the windows of the gazebo out into the world. Earlier in the evening she had sought security from the world and maybe even from him in the glass room. But as she looked out into the moonlight night, she realized she didn't want to face the world outside of the gazebo without him. _He_ was her security – not plates of glass that can shatter at the throwing of a stone. Suddenly she realized he was waiting on an answer from her. She turned her eyes away from the world and looked to her future.

"Did I – did I just hear you ask me to…"

"Yes."

Looking up at him, wonder shinning in her eyes, she suggested, "Well, why don't we ask…"

"… the children?" They both spoke at once.

_THE END__ – or the very beginning…_

_A/N: __To be continued in another story. Coming soon, I hope!_


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